“I was in so much pain…”

“So when I heard her cry, it was the best feeling it was like finally here’s this little person. Words can’t even describe that feeling of finally after all the doctors appointments and the medication and the shots and the pills for IVF and miscarriage after miscarriage. Just knowing that this was the angel that God wanted us to have and she was just our blessing and even now like having her here for four months it feels like we’re compete as a family.

“And then, um, that, you know, I felt tugging from, you know, below and I could feel Dr. Kumetz tugging and tugging, and I knew that the placenta had to come out and I remembered that for Madison. So I kind of thought, “Oh, that’s okay. This is a normal thing.” But I felt like, why am I feeling the tug? Why, why do I feel it so much?

“And then I thought, “Okay, something’s not okay. Yeah, something’s happening, but I don’t know what’s happening. And then I heard her say book an OR and call for blood. And I knew at that moment that everything wasn’t okay. At that point, I, I just knew that his was it. This was the stories that I’ve heard about that I didn’t think were gonna happen to me. But I held Matt’s hand and I squeezed his hand and I said, “I don’t wanna die. Please don’t let me die.” Like, I just don’t let me die. And I don’t know if I said it quietly.

“I don’t know if I was screaming. I don’t know if I, I, I don’t know, but I just held his hand so tight and I was holding Sloane and I said, “Please don’t let me die.” And they took Sloane away. And so then I really knew it was bad because they took her and it was very calm. Like, they said, “Oh, we’re just gonna take her.” And then I saw Matt look over and I could tell it wasn’t good by his face. He tried to stay calm for me, but I could tell looking in his eyes, it wasn’t okay.

“And I just felt like, you know, just take Sloane. And I wanted him to be able to focus on Sloane so that they would have each other since I, you know, I didn’t, ’cause I didn’t know if this was the last time that I was gonna see either one of them working on it.”

“Dr. Kumetz was down below and she said, ‘I’m gonna have to take your uterus.’ And I said, Okay, okay.’ You know, ’cause I was in so much pain and then she came around me and she put her hand on my, her, my shoulder and she said, ‘Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m gonna have to take your uterus.’ And I said, okay. And then that was the last thing that I remember.

But I re- just remember waking up and I saw Matt and he had the bassinet in the hospital and he said, “Sloane’s here. Look, Sloane’s here.” Like, “Look, she’s finally here. Look, it’s Sloane’s here.” And, you know, I was trying to keep my eyes open and I was trying to just, you know, take all the strength that I could, um, to keep my eyes open because I later found out that they, my placenta was stuck to my uterus and they, the doctor couldn’t get it out. So I was hemorrhaging. Um, she said I lost three fourths of my blood and they had to give me multiple blood transfusions.

“Just waking up and seeing Matt and Sloane just right there, you know, waiting for me. And so, you know, I just, she was what really held me together in that moment to kind of continue to keep fighting in the hospital.